Up for Grabs

Up for Grabs, Wyndhams Theatre, 2002

Cast: Madonna Ritchie, Tom Irwin, Megan Dodds, Daniel Pino, Sian Thomas, Michael Lerner, Debora Weston.

Writer: David Williamson

Director: Laurence Boswell

Madonna is currently on tour to celebrate forty years of being an absolute fucking legend. Her acting is an interesting aside to that. As this is the only time she's performed in a play in the West End, and is very unlikely to do so ever again, now would be the time for my Madonna acting theory. I don't think she's a great actress so she's at her best when she plays versions of the person we think she is, so Desperately Seeking Susan, Evita, and A League of their Own. Everything else is rubbish. The fact that she's listed as Madonna Ritchie in the programme makes me laugh. All I remember about the play is that the set included sliding screens. I didn't expect to go then somebody I was romantically interested in got tickets. He was one of those big and beefy men who are only interested in people of exactly the opposite body shape which is disappointing, and in my more resentful moments makes me wonder if they actually hate their own bodies.